Friday, August 1, 2014

All's Well That Ends Well

When I hadn't heard anything from the Building Inspector about my permit by noon yesterday, I decided to give him a call.  He said he hadn't approved the permit because (and this is a direct quote):  "I think you're good with the construction of the porch itself, but I'm worried about the possibility of frost heave in that concrete pad since it's on a cinder block foundation."

When I heard that, my initial reaction was something like this:  (warning, NSFW language)

Fortunately, I controlled myself and squeaked out, "I don't think that's really a concern and I have to go now" before I hung up the phone and started yelling and throwing things.  And then I called my momma and used the phrase "This is bullshit!" about five times in 20 minutes, which is a new record and which caused my momma to use my entire name ("Jayne Elizabeth!') and cluck her tongue.  

And then I called the Building Inspector and politely invited him over to the house to inspect the concrete pad and the cinder block foundation under it.  He came right over (and ran his tires and hubcap up against the curb, which somewhat pleased me), walked all around the foundation and all over the concrete pad, during which time I noticed that he's kinda cute (is that inappropriate?) and then said, "I see now what you've got goin' on and that's not a problem at all.  I'll sign off on it and you can get started."

Later that afternoon I was walking back from City Hall with a crisp new Building Permit in my hand, visions of me sitting on the new porch having a grand time, kinda like Scarlett O'Hara at the barbecue, when a little kid about six years old stopped me.

"Hey!  Are you a woman?!" he hollered.

"Me?  A woman?  No way!" I replied.

His friend, about the same age, said, "See, I told you that ain't no woman!"

So much for being Scarlett O'Hara....


  1. Oh my gosh.

    This is what happens when they do not teach sex ed in the schools.......LOL

    Why in heaven's name did they think you weren't a woman and how ballsy to ask.

    Man (not referring to your gender) you cannot catch a break with this project. I thought that they cannot have you fix items that are not included in the scope of your proposed project? The foundation would be grandfathered in. Why would he want to fix something that is not broke and this is the perfect example as to why most people steer clear of building permits and historical neighborhoods. And why was he taking his sweet time contacting you? We only have so many good weather days to work on outdoor projects.

    1. No idea why they thought I was a dude. I cut my hair shorter, but it's still about chin length. I was wearing shorts and a big t-shirt and a sports bra that mashed down "the girls". Probably contributory. lol

      One of my friends is a home inspector and he said they'd have to show "evidence of failure" of the concrete or the cinder blocks in order to make me replace it and he suggested I invite the Building Inspector over to look at the concrete. I was so worried they'd make me replace it.

      This project has been plagued with delays and problems from the very beginning!

  2. I can remember in my youth being Sir-ed a couple of times by someone who'd just turned around. It's the height! It's the height! That's what I told myself.

    1. I told myself several things: It's the sports bra! It's the junky clothes! It's the obvious lack of intelligence of those kids! lol

  3. LOL! I was hooked on this post the minute I read that the building inspector was "kinda cute".

    1. This is the third time I've seen him, and I never really noticed it before. On that day he was wearing a pale blue dress shirt. I'm a sucker for pale blue dress shirts. lol