Thursday, June 4, 2009

Dragnet

The story you are about to hear is real. The names have not been changed to protect the innocent....because there's no one innocent in this story.

(And, it's utterly and completely unrelated to house renovation, so be forewarned.)

Tuesday morning, on a whim, I decided to stop by and visit a friend at work. Michelle is the dispatch supervisor at a police department, a usually small fact that figures large in the telling of this tale. We laughed together, hugged over some sad news, I showed wedding pics and she showed soccer pics, and then she walked me to my car. My brand-new car, bought three weeks ago in a fit of number-crunching and darnit-I-deserve-it justification. (Incidentally, it's a Kia Soul and this story is not particularly a good advertisement for it.) But when I shifted the car into reverse, nothing happened. Or, I should say, almost nothing happened. The car revved, but it would not move. Not good. I called Kia Roadside Assistance (provided free for the first 5 years or 60,000 miles, by the way) and made arrangements to have my car towed to the dealership. Then I said goodbye to Michelle, who had a doctor's appointment, popped the hatch on the car, and settled down on the bumper to eat a rice crispie treat she'd given me while waiting for the tow truck.

The tow truck arrived shortly and the driver (who was very handsome, if you must know) and I talked over the situation. As we were talking, a police officer strolled up and this conversation took place:

Cop: Ma'am, do you have any ID on you?
Me: Yeah...but why? [As I handed it over.]
Cop: Dispatch, I'd like to run a subject....
Dispatch: Your subject has a parking violation warrant out of Kansas City PD, $50 bond...
Me: What?!
Cop: Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you seem to have a warrant.
Me. No way! I haven't had a parking ticket in years! I paid the last one I got and I--
Cop: [firmly] Ma'am, you have a warrant. Bond's fifty bucks, can you post?
Me: Ummmm....[looking through my pockets]....I don't have any cash. Can you take me to an ATM?
Cop: Well, no. [To other cop who's just walked up.] Can you go tell dispatch to call KCPD and ask em if they'll come get her? She doesn't have bond money.
Tow Guy: I might have fifty bucks I can spot ya. Hang on...[looking in his wallet]...Nope, I only got $40. Sorry.
Me: Are you seriously gonna arrest me on a parking violation warrant while my car's bein towed?! Seriously?!
Cop: Ma'am, I hate to handcuff you right here in the parking lot in front of everybody but it's our policy.
Me: [sticking out my little hands in front of me] Seriously?! For fifty bucks?! While I'm bein towed?!
Cop: Hey, do you know Michelle who works here?
Me: Well, yeah, I do. Why, is that gonna help me in some way?!
Cop: Yeah, it will. She's the one who put me up to this.
Me: Oooohhh, I am gonna kill her!

And the car? When we got it to the dealership, the service guy put it in reverse, backed it up, and pulled into the service bay. An event which caused both Tow Guy and myself to simultaneously shout, "What the hell?!"

Yeah, just another day in my life....

5 comments:

  1. I'd strangle her! Her timing stinks! I'd warn her, paybacks are hell!

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  2. Laughing because our lives are SO parallel. This sounds like something one of MY cohorts would do. Glad it was all just one big punk’d episode!

    Congrats on the new car. Here’s hoping the rest of your ownership goes as well. (Incidentally, are there little rodents running around inside the wheels? :-) I LOVE THAT CAR COMMERCIAL!)

    There must be something about car-buying and DIY that go hand in hand …

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  3. ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, thank you I needed that.

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  4. Milah, I am plotting my revenge right now....but as Bleu said, "This one's gonna be hard to beat."

    NV, I love the commercial for it too. You should see the UK version of it--no mice, but everything is weirdly shaped. You can see it at kia.uk.com

    Christine, Glad to see I cheered you up. =)

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  5. I think my eyes were bigger than saucers while I was reading that you were about to be hauled off to the big house... worried that someone had swiped a license plate and then got a ticket which you were going to be stuck with... and then I exhaled this HUGE sigh of relief when I read it was your buddy. I would think long and hard on what kind of revenge I was going to dish out!

    Love the Kia commercials with the hamsters. Is your Kia red? Hope they found out why the car wouldn't do reverse. Maybe Michele put a hex on it?

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