Friday, April 11, 2014

We Have Determined...

You'd think, after a little more than seven years of living here, that I'd get used to things not going well.  I mean, things never ever ever go as well in reality as I imagine they will in my head.  And yet, every time I start something, I'm amazed all over again when I run into obstacles.  Folks, the learning curve around here seems to have flatlined...

Anyhow, I went into the porch demo full sail and with flags flying three weeks ago.  I had a plan:  first I'd take out the screened panels, then I'd strip off the roofing with a tear-off shovel, then I'd cut through the roof decking with a Sawzall, then Dylan or someone with a chain saw would cut through the joists and then the sides so we could take them out in chunks, until finally only the porch posts would be left standing.

The screened panels came out really easy.  Actually, even easier than I thought they would.  That was probably an omen that the rest of this demolition was going to be horrible. 

First off, I couldn't find an edge for my tear-off shovel to get under, and it wouldn't poke holes in the rubber roofing.  That's when Dylan came over with his ax.  We were thinking that he'd start a hole and then one of us could get under the edge of the roofing and strip it off.  Except that there are two layers of rubber roofing up there, with an underlayment between them that appears to be made of kevlar, copious repairs to the roof made with shingles, and a bottom layer about an inch thick that's entirely hot-patch applied directly to the roof decking.  There's no getting under that.  

Then Dylan tried to saw through all the layers of roofing with a circular saw.  He managed to make a pretty decent cut...and then the roof caught fire.  Seriously.  It caught fire.  So after he hopped around on the roof like a madman to stomp out the flames, our hell-with-it level soared and we went and had a couple of beers. 

This week Dylan's friend Steve came over to help.  Dylan told him all about our troubles the previous week and after careful consideration Steve said:  "We have determined that this sucks."

Yes.  Yes, it does.  It was, however, a little less sucky with him around because he and Dylan worked out a system.  

Steve sawed through the joists with a chain saw
and then Dylan came along with an ax and chopped away the roof
until pretty much all of that side of the porch roof was gone.
Then they carefully pulled off the gutter.
(which we'll cut down and re-use on the new porch)

They put plywood over one of the windows
and next week they'll put plywood over the other window,
and the front door and its transom
to protect all that as they get closer to the house.

I took that last photo today after I'd cleaned up all the demolition debris on the porch.  Three 33-gallon bags of trash, plus a giant pile of stuff too big to fit in the trash bags.  I stacked all the big stuff on a piece of the roof decking and dragged it around to the side of the house so the front yard doesn't look so junky.

And then I walked across the street and looked at my place with a critical eye.
Scrap lumber stacked in the yard, peeling paint, house two different colors, wicker furniture stacked on the porch, the gutter in the front yard (lower right), the little flowerbeds covered with leaves...

Oh well.  At least the porch floor is nice and clean, right?


  1. Roofs. I hate working on them.

    I am hoping to finish painting the front of my shed. All I need is one good day. Just one but it seems like every time there is a nice day.....I have an appointment. Grrrrrrrr

    It will look great. I love the new color and you only need a couple of days to finish painting the front.

    Continue on. I couldn't help myself.

    1. "Continue on." Hahahahahahaha!!! Nicely played!

      I have 5 or 6 days off in a row coming up, so I'm hoping to get a lot of the front of the house scraped and painted.

  2. No one ever said progress has to be pretty... and you ARE definitely making progress... How is the shoulder holding out?

    1. I guess it has to look worse before it looks better, huh? The shoulder's doing pretty good. I can do just about everything I want to do except reach way up above my head.

  3. That's what I was wondering, too. How is your shoulder holding out?

    1. Much better than it was! I found some physical therapy exercises online ( and they've really, really helped. I can't say enough good things about that website and how cool it is that she provides all this information for free. I've made a lot of progress lately.

  4. At least you have slave labor :-)

    1. Haha! They work for food! Seriously, I asked them at the end of the day how much I owed them and they both said if I bought them supper we'd call it even.