Friday, October 11, 2013

Twelve Weeks

Monday I went to see the orthopedic specialist. 

He walked into the room and said, very accusingly, "I looked at the x-rays from this morning and your fracture has shifted.  What have you been doing?  It was perfectly aligned on Thursday and now it's shifted. You must decrease your level of activity."

I fixed him with my best you're-an-asshole glare, a look that I've perfected over years of, well, being surrounded by assholes.  It must've worked.  (I think the black eye and my crazy hair helped the effect.) The doc actually took a step back, tilted his head to the side, and said, "I apologize.  Do you live alone?"  I nodded.  "It's very hard to manage a clavicle fracture if you live alone."

I sighed.  "Doc, I can feel the damn thing moving.  It clicks.  That's a little unnerving."

He checked my splint, a figure-of-eight brace that I'm pretty sure was once used as a medieval torture device.  "The splint isn't properly placed," he said as he hopped on the table behind me.  

Then he put his knee in my back and tightened the splint.  I said a bit of the Rosary in a way not typically prayed.

And then we had a little conversation about what I cannot do, which is pretty much everything, during which he scared me into compliance by threatening surgery if the break gets out of alignment again.  "Do not lift anything, do not stretch, do not extend either arm past 45 degrees, do not remove your splint," he warned. Got it.  He scribbled a note that I can't go back to work until he sees me again in three weeks.

As I left his office, he paused in the hallway, looked back, and said, "If you need anything, just call the office. You're my patient for the next twelve weeks for the same price, so don't hesitate to call if you have questions or needs."

"Twelve weeks?" I said.  "I won't really take that long to heal...right?"

"It will take every bit of twelve weeks for that fracture to heal, yes," he said.

"Twelve..." I gulped.  "Twelve weeks...."

23 comments:

  1. Criminey. I thought I had it bad when I had a broken foot, but at least I could do all sorts of stuff, scooting around the house in a chair with rollers, thanks to no carpets. Clean litter boxes, wash hair, take baths (although getting in and out of the bathtub was interesting.)

    How are you going to manage cooking, washing your hair, changing litter boxes?

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    1. Either my mom or my son has taken me out to supper every night and the rest of the time I manage with cereal, scrambled eggs, and crooked peanut butter sandwiches. :)

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  2. Jayne, I am so sorry! My advice, milk it for all it's worth, sister! Read, watch movies and eat carry-out pizza every night! You deserve it!

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    1. Thanks, Milah. I just started a really good book, and there's a baseball game almost every night. Haven't ordered pizza yet--that's an idea.

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  3. Damn. That seriously bites. On the bright side, I think the universe has a way off telling us to slow down. Use your newfound leisure wisely. ;-)

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  4. So, am I the only one who is still concerned with why you fell in the first place? I think you may need constant supervision. We may have to train the cat to take your pulse and temperature.

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    1. Oh lordy, don't let my momma hear you say that I need constant supervision! LOL But really, a couple of people have suggested that I should get my thyroid checked, so I'm doing that next week.

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    2. Do you still feel odd, or is it all the after affects of the fall? It sounds like they checked for and ruled out hair-raising stuff, but that leaves nuisances like the thyroid.

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    3. Sorry for the late reply. I don't feel odd or woozy, and even though I whacked my head pretty good they didn't mention a concussion. I couldn't get in to the doctor, so I'm still waiting to see about thyroid.

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  5. Sympathy,Sympathy and more sympathy.
    I really understand, I am at home, in a wheelchair with a broken ankle. It slipped too. Back to O.R.
    My husband has lost 10 pounds taking care of me. You are really doing well. Added you to our Prayer Warriors. This too shall pass.

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    1. Oh gosh! Sorry to hear you broke your ankle. Hope you heal up fast. Thanks for the prayers.

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  6. Oh, boy. Tea and naps for you! It's just too bad you had to injure yourself this badly to get them. I'm so sorry this happened. Please take care of yourself.

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    1. Tea and naps! And hot milk with brown sugar and a bit of vanilla in it. (I'm turning into an old woman.) Naps, books, baseball--that's pretty much it these days.

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  7. Jayne, please take it easy! God does slow us down for a reason.

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    1. Thanks, Lottie! My mom said the same thing.

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  8. Oh, golly, Jayne. I hadn't checked in for awhile, and when I saw this I thought for sure you'd fallen off a ladder. Just to pitch over like that is so .. . strange.

    Hope they find out soon what caused it and what to do to correct the problem. As for your forced inactivity . . . ouch. That really hurts. Praying healing, patience, and lots of interesting ways to pass the time that don't involve a hammer or a scraper or inspecting anything under the porch.

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    1. Hi Kate! When I texted my best friend from the ER she had the same thought, that I'd fallen off a ladder. It is weird. Hoping to rule out thyroid next week at the doctor. Everything else checked out normal. The forced inactivity is the worst. Ugh.

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  9. 12 weeks!!!! Oh my. Well, that should give you plenty of time to scour the Internet for ideas, knowledge, etc. You will know EVERYTHING including 'why do people CARE about the Kardashians and will Bruce and Kris really get a divorce. OOPS! ahhhh, I don't know why I know that.....and that is my story and I am sticking to it.

    BTW if you ever have blood stains that you need to remove, try hydrogen peroxide. Works like a charm. I was able to get a 6 inch blood stain out of my mother's white carpet. She had some cosmetic surgery and didn't go to bed as directed and fell in her living room. BTW she still looks the same only 5K lighter in the wallet.

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    1. Hahahaha!! I could have YEARS of forced inactivity and I still wouldn't be able to explain why people care about the Kardashians!

      From working EMS and at the sheriff's office, I learned about the effect of hydrogen peroxide on blood. It works wonders. Did your mom have "eye renewal" or whatever they call it, where they suck the fat out from around your eyes and fix the wrinkles? My oldest sister had that and she looks the same. lol

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  10. Well, she told me it was suppose to be that little face lift that EVERYBODY is getting. She said you are suppose to be healed in a couple of days etc. I took her and when she came out I couldn't believe it. Full blown face lift. She wouldn't listen to me and they gave the pain meds to her NOT me. Told me nothing about aftercare. She could have died. I later found out they gave her the after care instructions but in the meantime she took about 4 pain pills and two Valiums in a 4 hour time period. It was a rough week or two. But like I said she looks the same. She's almost 80. They tried talking her into getting her lips done and a boob job. Seriously, the chick looked like a platypus and getting a boob job on an 80 yr old is like hanging a crystal chandelier in a haunted house.

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  11. So in ten more years I'm going to look like a haunted house, am I? Hmmm :-)

    This age thing, I get copies of med reports from my doctor to scan into my laptop in case they're needed in the future, and two from specialists lately have said I'm "alert." Alert? Like, no, don't order the flaming Viking ship yet to send her out to sea.

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    1. Flaming Viking ship......that's hilarious. We usually use the Eskimo analogy about being put on an ice flow.

      We just don't understand why she is so concerned with her looks. She stresses me out. We are so afraid that someone will talk her into something stupid like the lip thing. The lady at the Dr. office actually looked ridiculous. Nobody's lips look like that. I'm all for a nip and tuck here in there but she took a chance with her health without any return. She should have Botoxed and it would have been safer and should would always look surprised ...LOL

      Alert? Really? Gosh, I hate to see what my doctor writes down. I've been known to fall asleep if they make me wait more than 5 minutes. AND when they ask for my age.....I have to do some fast math to figure it out. Unfortunately my math skills are getting slower and slower.

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