Friday, March 22, 2013

An Important Addendum

A few days ago I published the how-to of painting vinyl floors.  I went into some detail, read it carefully, and felt that I had left nothing out.

Now, however, I find I must add an important addendum to my previous instructions:

If, like me, you have a trap door in the middle of said painted floor
 be sure you don't paint the freakin' thing shut.

Oh yes, I did.

But if, like me, you do have a trap door in the middle of a painted floor and you, like me, do in fact paint it shut to the point that you are completely unable to open the trap door by attaching the hook to the ring in the door and then cranking it open with a boat winch, rest assured that it takes only five or six minutes with a putty knife and a hammer to cut through the paint.

After which you can then crank the door open and notify your only child via text that you are descending into the Scary Rat Basement.

Me: I'm going down into the basement now.  I'll text you when I come back up.  If you don't hear from me, please come over and check on me.
Dylan: You can't take your phone with you?
Me:  Yes, but what if the door slams shut and I am trapped down there?
Dylan:  How would you get trapped?  It's not like the door locks when it shuts.
Me:  I don't think I could push the door open enough to get out if it slammed shut.
Dylan:  I don't think you are so frail that you need to be checked on every time you go down a few stairs.  If you are, then I'm putting you into a home.
Me:  And also, what if I fall down the stairs and I am knocked unconscious?
Dylan:  And what if an alien space ship came down and abducted you??
Me:  That's exactly the kind of shit I'm talkin' about.

5 comments:

  1. I email my brothers before I go under the house.

    How sharper than a serpent's tooth :-)

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  2. Since there's no real location for better interior stairs. do you have any spot where you could conveniently add exterior basement stairs with a real door?

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    Replies
    1. Ragnar, I don't think there's a place for exterior stairs. The trap door was originally outside at the back of the house, before that part of the house was closed in.

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  3. Man, you've been busy! Thanks for the laugh. :) Just for the record, sounds like just the sort of thing that I'd do!

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