Monday, November 23, 2009

Cain't Keep A Man

This weekend has been...interesting.  A little unsettling.  Frustrating, even.  I was temporarily knocked for a loop, but now that I'm myself again I'll tell y'all all about it. 

As the more astute among you might've guessed from the title of the post, I find myself single again.  I truly have no idea why.  For the past several days he hasn't returned my phone calls or texts.  Maybe he didn't like the lasagna, cause that's the last time I saw him.  Since he's completely silent on the issue, I'm left to guess as to what went wrong.  That irritates and frustrates me no end.  Have the common decency to call me and say something like "It's just not working out" or "I met someone else" or any one of a hundred stock phrases that folks call on in this situation.  If it's one thing I can't stand, it's a man with no spine.

But what irritates and frustrates me even more than that is the attitude of some of my family.  I told one of my cousins, who is like a brother to me, what happened.  He said, "Face it, honey, you just cain't keep a man."  This is a little Southern-attitude town we live in, and my family tends to have a very traditional view of gender roles.  To say that a woman "cain't" keep a man can cover a lot of ground (she's most usually either a bad cook or a bad housekeeper) but it always, always means she has some glaring character flaw and it's all her fault that the relationship went sour.  A woman who can't keep a man is destined to be single forever, and in my family a single woman over the age of about 30 is viewed with equal parts suspicion and pity.  This I have known for years, so I should've known better than to go ranting to my mom about the situation.  "Well when you run into [Reed] in the future, I want you to be nice to him," she said. Why should I be nice to someone who can't give me a five-minute polite brush-off?  Because he's from a good family?  Because women are supposed to know their place?  Because in my family, but for a few notable exceptions, women put up with all manner of bad behavior just to stay married and eat crow once a week for supper?  Well, I'm sorry, but hell no.

Looking back on my short relationship with Reed I can recall several things that irritated him:  that my hands have calluses and a couple of scars, that I'm quick to speak my mind, that the sound of a fire engine's siren is usually followed my the sound of my phone ringing and one of the guys telling me what happened, that I have more tools than he does and am more handy, that most days I don't wear makeup, that I sleep til noon more often than not...  But all those things are who I am.  I can't change that—and more importantly, I don't want to.  It's my life and I love it.  I am blessed with a beautiful house and the ability to work on it myself, an unconventional job that I really like, a quick mind, and friends who love me just the way I am.  Someday maybe I'll find that one guy who loves me just the way I am.  Or maybe that's not what God has in store for me.  Either way, I'm still me.  Faults and talents and all, I'm still me.  And if being true to myself means that I can't keep a man, then I'm alright with that.


  1. You are an independent woman and men who are not real confident with themselves are threatened by an independent woman.

    My theory is that it takes a strong confident man to commit to a strong confident independent woman.

    So unless you are willing to fake being meek, frail, and dependent you will need to keep searching because obviously he was not that man.

    You need a WTB kind of guy.

  2. I'm sorry to hear this. It seemed like it was going to be great. But better to be happy with yourself than just happy with a man, right?

  3. I'm sorry. What a bummer.

    As to your cousin, words fail me. Ditto Reed the coward.

    It is one of life's bafflements that terrific women are not necessarily snapped up immediately by terrific men. But then I notice, there seem to be a lot more terrific women than there are terrific men. What's with that?

    You have yourself, your son and his wife, your wonderful house, your very good friends, the cats, your mixed blessing of a job.

    "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle."

  4. Ditto, what dynochick (Jan) said, and I will add, you have a wonderful attitude. ;D

  5. As I was reading the post, before I even got to the comments, the EXACT same thoughts crossed my mind that these smart ladies have already stated. So yeah, what they said.

  6. I am a single woman and love it. Being with someone is nice but not the end all. Make your life full and happy and if someone come along, it is an extra blessing. If not, it is ok because you are still enjoying it.

  7. Aw, honey, I'm so sorry that the superhero turned out to be a supersh*t instead. Though it's not much consolation, better that you know now.

    I've been right where you are and I've heard some of the same hurtful kinds of things. I know it stings but you've already got the right approach: you can't change who you are. And moreover, WHY SHOULD YOU?!

    There are a lot of guys who just cannot abide by strong, independent women. My response: Don't let the door hit you in the a** on the way out!

  8. Break ups are hard, especially when they don't happen and you have to "guess".

    Somewhere out there is the man who is confident enough to be with you!

  9. Thanks, everybody! You're the best!

  10. I love ya for who you are. Mostly because I realize you're so much like me it's actually funny. I have to admit I was snickering all along this post. Not because of what happened, but because of your wonderful attitude about it. :)

    You go girl! You don't need no stinkin' man.

  11. We all know that life's not fair but I wish you would have at least gotten "it's not working, goodbye".

    Cyber hugs headed your way - from more places than here from the looks of your comments!